n°280Sometimes, I wish I could erase it all and start all over again.
I am back in the USA. I took a plane ticket on Sunday and left on Friday. I fled France once again. Because I don't like not doing anything. Not knowing. I am scared. I wish I was not but I am. I thought it would be easier after Scotland because I thought I understood that I needed stability. But it's even harder now. I want to be to both places at the same time. We all know it is not possible and a choice is needed. But what is the right answer? What is the right choice? Staying? Leaving? Following a heart that doesn't know where to go? I can't live like this anymore. I need to find a way to make this choice but how can I choose between two parts of me?
In Scotland, I saw him. And he is would have asked me, I would have stayed. Stay for him. But would it have been worth it? I don't know. I don't know anything. I thought I would know by now. I mean, I am 22 and I don't have an idea about what to do with my life. How messed up that it? I am a mess. A wreck. Drowned a long time ago, I thought coming back from the deepest waters was the solution. I was wrong. The darkness is coming back. More powerful than ever. Ready to take me in again and to make sure I do not escape this time..