Je me sens bien ici mais j'ai besoin de centre présence masculine. I need this guy u know ... He will take my hand and whisper "I won't let u down" and I'll trust him because I'll be in love with him. Yes, I want to be in love. I want to find out what it will be to love and be loved.. I don't know yet and I'm twenty, am I silly ? I mean ... 20 years old and never had a boyfriend before .... I don't want him to know this even if I think he knows but u know ... I just need to find courage, I just need to be a little bit stronger and to have faith in me but it's hard. It's hard to wake up every morning and seeing my ugly face in the mirror. I just can say "oh gosh, u're so ugly." And that's why I have all of these things on my arms. It's because I think I don't deserve anything except sadness and living alone for the rest of my life... And I really think this way, I can't stop myself of thinking this because it's a reality since I'm kid, it's printed in my head ... I can't wake up a morning, look at me in the mirror and say "oh gosh, you're amazing" even if I know I should because I'm not that ugly u know... I'm just ... Not beautiful. I want to fell beautiful u know ... I think I will when I will have a boyfriend or somebody to make me trust people and being confident and having faith in me because I'm not a stupid, ugly girl ... I'm me. Ahly. Twenty years old.